The Hardest Thing
by onetreefan
Summary: Song Fic! Too complicated to explain via summary. Just read... based on The Hardest Thing by 98 degrees. EO...


Okay, I know I haven't written a story in a while! Balancing school and writing is hard. Im going to update From New York to Tree Hill this weekend and post the beginning of my new story Tainted Love this weekend. This is just an idea I have had for a while that I am now posting. Also, I would like to point out now that Jessica Simpson is an idiot for divorcing Nick Lachey. Sure that was a long time ago, but who would leave Nick Lachey? LOL... Please R&R! Love ya guys! -Rach

** We both know that I shouldn't be here  
This is wrong  
And baby it's killin' me, it's killin' you  
Both of us tryin' to be strong  
I've got somewhere else to be  
Promises to keep  
Someone else who loves me  
And trusts me fast asleep  
**

"We can't do this anymore." 

"El, what are you talking about?" she asked feeling tears of hurt and confusion sting in her eyes.

"Olivia, you deserve better than this. I can't keep sneaking away from Kathy to be with you. You deserve better. Kathy deserves better. It would be better if this fling just ended." 

Her heart broke. _A fling?_ That's all she was to him. "Elliot, you don't mean that. I love you." 

"Olivia, you deserve so much better than me. Please just move on. You won't be happy with me." 

"No, no Elliot I won't give up on our love, unless..." 

He saw her breaking and had to push her... for her sake . "What Olivia? Unless what?" 

She met his eyes with tears defiantely falling as she said her next words slowing, full of hurt and fear. "Unless you told me you don't love me. That you never loved me." 

He swallowed and looked into her eyes pulling the biggest most painful lie out of his lips. It broke his heart having to say it. It made him want to throw up for even thinking it, but he had to let her go... for her sake. "I don't love you, Olivia." 

Her world was shattered with those words. She didn't believe in anything anymore. "Get out," was all she could say.

"Liv..." 

"Get out, ELLIOT! GET OUT! AND NEVER COME BACK!" 

"Olivia..." 

"OUT!" 

He nodded and walked out of the apartment door. She felt her knees buckle beneath her and she sobbed not caring who heard at this point. 

Elliot stood on the other side crying with her. "I lied, Liv. I will forever love you." 

** There is no turning back  
She's been good to me  
And she deserves better than that  
**

He was driving home sobbing. He hated the radio. An old pop song from 98 degrees kept playing. He hated himself in so many ways that he even hated himself for knowing the band who sang that song. "Im a bastard," he said to himself crying. He kept remembering Olivia's laugh, her face, her smile, the way her body felt after making love all night... her tears, her yells, the pain he caused her. He didn;t see the lights flash in front of him and he swerved off the road. "Damn it!" he cried out to everyone and no one. "Why!" 

He was thinking he should turn around and go back to her. The one woman he loved. He turned on the left hand signal to make a U-Turn when he saw it... _his wedding band. _

He nodded sadly in the realization and cried silently as he turned off the left hand blinker and got back on the road to his life... without Olivia.

**It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to do  
To look you in the eye  
And tell you I don't love you  
It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to lie  
To show no emotion  
When you start to cry  
I can't let you see  
What you mean to me  
When my hands are tied  
And my heart's not free  
We're not meant to be  
It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to do  
To turn around and walk away  
Pretending I don't love you  
**

When he got to the house in Queens, something felt wrong. He couldn't shake this feeling of sadness and emptiness. He walked into the kitchen and saw Kathy there, in a robe, with suitcases at the door. 

"Kathy? Where are the kids?" 

"At my mom's Elliot." 

"Why?" 

"Elliot, I want a divorce." 

Elliot felt slapped in the face. He just broke up with the love of his life and now here is the woman he left her for leaving him. "What?" 

"Elliot, I don't love you the way I used to anymore. We have become a marriage of convenience. Please, just sign the papers. You deserve this break. I deserve this break." 

He thought deeply and couldn't yet meet her eyes. "The kids?" 

"I won't take them from you, but you need a better schedule before I let them stay with you longer than weekends. Please, we need this. I need this." 

Elliot thought long and hard and only one image appeared in his head... _Olivia._ "Okay." 

"What?" She asked shocked. She was expecting a long tedious fight which would lead them no where. 

"Okay, Kathy. I'll give you your divorce. Where is the pen?" 

She shook her head in disbelief as he signed away their marriage. Elliot saw her relax and saw a marking on her neck. He knew he didn't give it to her. They hadn't touch in that way in so long. He wasn't angry. He was still too stunned to feel. "Who is he?" he asked.

"Who?" 

"The man who gave you that?" Elliot said indicating the marking on her neck.

She blushed and quickly covered up her bite mark. "Julie," she whispered. 

Elliot's jaw dropped and he smirked. "We are really screwed up," he said with a smirk. He moved to her and kissed her platoniclly on the lips. "Be happy, Kath." 

"You too, El," she said hugging him. "Call me when things work with Cragen. We'll set up a good schedule to have the kids." 

He nodded and left their house in search for the love of his life. He was free. He could be with her, his Olivia, if she'd take him back. 

** I know that we'll meet again  
Fate has a place and time  
So you can get on with your life  
I've got to be cruel to be kind  
Like Dr. Zhivago  
All my love I'll be sending  
And you will never know  
'Cause there can be no happy ending  
**

He stopped by the store and pick up a batch of her favorite flowers, white roses with pink tips. He was to go to her apartment when he felt his phone ring in his pocket. "Stabler." 

"Where the hell are you and why aren't you at Mercy Hospital in Manhattan?" he heard his Captain bark.

"Im sorry, I had to sign divorce papers with Kathy. Why do I need to be at Mercy? A vic?" 

"No, Elliot. I called Olivia to come and take a case with Fin and as she was on the way, a truck slammed into the driver's side of her sedan. Im sorry, haven't you check your voicemail?" 

NO! he thought to himself. He couldn't believe this was happening. He was distraught. "I'll be there right now." He hung up and rushed to the hospital to check on his angel and hope she was alive and well. Then she might still claim him. He would forever love her.

**It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to do  
To look you in the eye  
And tell you I don't love you  
It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to lie  
To show no emotion  
When you start to cry  
I can't let you see  
What you mean to me  
When my hands are tied  
And my heart's not free  
We're not meant to be  
It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to do  
To turn around and walk away  
Pretending I don't love you  
**

Elliot ran through the hospital, ignoring his boss's calls and search every room for his Olivia. The sight that he was met with shattered his heart.

When he found her, he saw Attorney Trevor Langan kissing her.

She hadn't had moved on... right?

No, he had to let her go. He had to let her move on. 

He felt the thorns of the roses pierce his hand as a symbol of hurt and punishment, and maybe even karma. 

He could have sworn she looked at him before dropping the roses into the trashcan and turning to leave the hospital. "You deserve better than me," he said in hopes Olivia might somehow hear him. "I will forever love you, but you deserve better than me." With that he turned away to be alone.

**Maybe another time, another day  
As much as I want to, I can't stay  
**

_ What the hell is Trevor Langan kissing me for?_

"Stop," she said pushing him off.

"Liv--" 

"Olivia," she corrected fiercely. "What the hell was that? Why are you even here?" 

"Don't you remember?" 

"NO!" 

"You were in a car crash. I saw it and I called it in. You told me you loved me. Don't you remember?" 

Yes, she remembered, but it wasn't Trevor that she said she loved... she thought she saw Elliot. "Im sorry, you are mistaken." 

"I can't forget what I hear, Olivia. Im a lawyer for crying out loud." 

She smiled sadly and touched his hand. "No, Trevor, I know what I said. It just wasn't you I called for." 

"Stabler?" he asked sadly.

She nodded. "How did you know?" 

"You asked for him when you first became conscious. The doctors say you can go home tomorrow. And after that embarrassing moment," he said indicating their kiss, "I should be going." 

"Trevor?" 

He turned to her. 

"Im sorry." 

"Im not," he said with a sad smile before leaving. He saw the roses in the trash can and frowned. Where did those come from? he thought to himself. He shook his head and left the hospital.

Olivia then was left alone and cried. She saw the brokenness in Elliot's eyes when she was being kissed. She couldn't help but feel that she just ruined their only chance of ever getting back together. "Elliot!" she cried as she sobbed herself to sleep missing and needing her Elliot.

**I've made up my mind  
There is no turning back  
She's been good to me  
And she deserves better than that  
**

Olivia was released the next day. The doctor said she was lucky that she only had a concussion and few stiches, because it could have been a lot worse. She was cleaning her stuff when she saw the roses in the trash bin. Her favorites... 

She pulled the card and read the note.__

Im sorry.  
I never stopped loving you.  
Please take me back.  
Don't ever scare me like this again.  
I love you forever... El.  


She cried and sat in the chair holding the dying flower and the blood stained note. She was at a cross roads... turn around and walk away, or run to Elliot's arms.

It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to do  
To look you in the eye  
And tell you I don't love you  
It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to lie  
To show no emotion  
When you start to cry  
I can't let you see  
What you mean to me  
When my hands are tied  
And my heart's not free  
We're not meant to be  
It's the hardest thing  
I'll ever have to do  
To turn around and walk away  
Pretending I don't love you  


Elliot sat with a beer in his hand thinking of the mistake he had made. Yesterday, he was in Olivia's arms making love to her. Now, his lover was gone along with his wife for another woman. What the hell happened to my life? he thought to himself. 

Just then there was a knock at the door. 

He moved and saw her. She was wet and staring at him with a rain and tear stained face. A gauze bandage covered the left part of her forehead. 

She looked to him and said, "I couldn't turn around and walk away, El." 

"Thank God," he said gathering her in his arms. He need to feel her and hold her. He dropped his head down as he entered the rain and kissed her passionately. They didnÕt need words. Their love was strong enough to carry them thorugh now. They would answer questions later. Now was about them and their love... the forever kind of love. 

**Okay, hope you enjoyed. For me, the only logical reason I could think of for any woman to leave Elliot was that she was a lesbian! LOL. R&R!**


End file.
